Sunday 12 January 2014

ben lomond

Just a quick one to say that I finally got it together to edit some of the footage from the walk back in October (?) into a very short vid: here it is for your viewing pleasure. Gets a bit blurry at the end due to it getting dark, but what can you do.

Hanna xx

Tuesday 7 January 2014

the fine line between inspiration and defeatism

I often feel like all I ever do is write about the possibility of doing something great, without actually doing it. Perhaps that's part of the problem - thinking that it has to be great. 

I spent most of last night watching and re-watching Bo Burnham's new stand-up show "what." and a short documentary by the comedian/filmmaker Olan Rogers. Vastly different people creating different things with completely distinct perspectives (Burnham's comedy can be superficially crude but often strikes a much darker note, verging on depression, while Rogers' sense of humour is expressed through his seemingly boundless positivity) and yet they both elicited the same confusing mixture of feeling inspired and also really shit about myself. 

These people have found a way to express their passion and creativity, while I just contemplate it. I feel my insignificance like a physical weight on my chest, but this must mean that I recognise the same ability to DO something within me as well. Surely I wouldn't feel so deeply, strongly, terribly about it if I didn't know that I too can create something just as good as the people I admire (and that extends to everyone I admire, not just these two). I need to accept that doing something small and seemingly insignificant is still so much better than being too afraid to do anything. But this is all cliché... The pain comes from the realisation and knowledge that while they are doing it, I'm watching them do it. Could I one day be the one being admired? And even if no one ever knows of me, could I be content with what I have done? Not content - proud.

Be More

I wrote Be More on my wrist to keep myself motivated during long nights of editing. I don't know why I choose these two words but it has gotten me through a good bit of nights where I just wanted to give up. - Olan Rogers


Sorry for this rather emotional post. Normal service resuming shortly.

Hanna xx